Ahhh, saw an academic adviser today. My dream of a perfect 3 day weekend is ruined because of the silly political science class. But hey, after this semester I am still 7 units ahead of the game~

But if it doesn’t work, I may drop it. Let’s see how this week goes.

Ugh. Look at that Tuesday and Thursday though.
Also, currently trying to get into mixed martial arts. :)

Chris speaking.

Hi. She’s mine. LOL

New desks… they spin around fully. The desk part does too. If I wasn’t in the middle of class I would be spinning around and rolling. Fancy shit.

Wtf, yo.

I don’t remember why I was thinking about all of this. Summer after 8th grade?
 
Found it on my myspace. 

Okay.

FUCK.

Well, is it alright to talk, hide, and cheat behind people’s backs?
I always thought it was the better thing to do; you know, let all your thoughts and inhibitions go. Even if they can hurt feelings, it’s better to be truthful and such rather than hide mean, hideous thoughts and talk to a person as if they were your best friend?

Being a teen is about “expressing yourself” or “being you”, but the more I think about it, the more it really isn’t true. I mean, how many people do you know would straight up tell someone they didn’t like ‘em? Be upfront and true, as rude as it may be? 

I don’t know, I always heard as a kid to “Keep your thoughts to yourself if you have nothing nice to say.” But that, to me, makes no REAL sense at all. I mean, what if one prefers you to tell the truth? How can you tell? 
Another rule I was taught as a kid was to “Never lie; always tell the truth.”
Maybe the truth isn’t worth telling? Is the truth worth losing a friend? Would a friend appreciate you being upfront with them? 

Like, isn’t being truthful a big part of being one’s friend? But you see, common courtesy and those rules there totally contradicts that. I, myself, always found it better to tell the truth. Why would you go and compliment someone or something like that if it isn’t true at all? 

Why lie and hide your thoughts? I mean, I don’t think that it’s right to be unimaginably rude and blow up in a person’s face, but I think lying to a person just to drop topic or help them shut up for a bit is just nearly AS bad as blowing up in someone’s face.

Maybe the truth is only necessary on occasion? Are there certain times to tell the truth? Is there really a wrong and a right time to tell someone something? 

Maybe I have been going about the wrong way? Maybe I, too, should give compliments and help people when I damn well know I shouldn’t? 
I just wish people were more truthful to me. I know I’d rather have the truth than someone hide their true feelings by trying to be nice and polite.
But sometimes, people don’t even have good intentions when they do lie.

People can lie for the most revolting things. Like revenge, or something of that nature. Personally, I’ve noticed that unnecessary drama usually starts up over something little and ridiculous. Something that as ridiculous as it may be, can separate people to the point where people will lie and cheat, just to make scars and dig their teeth and nails into and upon the people who supposedly scarred them first, or trespassed them. Just to make a circle of nonsense.

Is anything necessary? 

Sometimes, a person may not like someone just because a friend of their’s dislikes toward a person. High dislikes. Are others thoughts what also inspire and help nourish one’s hate towards another? The more those two friends may talk about it; the more the hatred and dislike will grow. And, when people like that do talk about another person, they’ll only include one’s flaws and mistakes, things that burden them already, at times, without the help of others. 

I’m being hypocritical though. Very. I have, at times, hid my thoughts just to make someone feel better. But lying like that, for me, would never benefit me. It would never make me feel better about myself. 

I guess, certain people lie because of the fear that they may be labeled a “bitch” or something along those lines. Does society really think that people who tell the truth and their thoughts are bad people?

Or maybe, truth and someones thoughts are different? But they both come from the same place. They both are one’s opinion. Maybe someone shouldn’t talk about it unless they are asked? But what if they are never asked, but it is necessary to discuss it? 

Lying, also, is not the same as keeping a secret to one’s self. Secrets are sacred and keep people sane, mysterious, and give good/better qualities to certain people. Secrets, though, should never hurt a person if they are kept. They should never be something that you second guess or you think about constantly because if so, then it really shouldn’t be a secret. Secrets come with trust though, some violations may be necessary sometimes? 

Maybe secrets shouldn’t be kept at all. And there shouldn’t be such a word as “lie”. Or anything synonymous to that.

OR MAYBE I just think too fucking much. xD I’m an idiot, at times, if you didn’t already notice.

All this is way too confusing for me to keep in my head. xD 
Sorry, you shouldn’t read this! Aha.

And if you did read through all this, well then, I simply adore you.
And, if you did read it, please comment? Please help me know I am sane and others are having the same thoughts as well?  

So today I felt shitty again, so I just threw on clothes to go to school.



Grey slouchy top ($3.50) and abercrombie and fitch shorts (a gift). I also wore black boots with a brown trim ($8). Then wore black and brown bracelets. My hair was just straight and my makeup was simple. 



I WISH MY HAIR WAS LONGER. 

Am I stressed?

It’s kind of ridiculous the way I feel right now. How I’m supposed to feel better than this. How I’m always supposed to feel better than this. 

My patience will run out. My time for bullshit will run out. And at this rate, it’s close to empty. 

It’s ridiculous how I feel the only way to get your attention is make you realize that this isn’t my only option. That you’re not my only option. 


It’s funny how I don’t ask for much and even that little can’t be done.  I deserve better, even if I have to get it done all by myself, I can make me happy. 

So I guess we will just concentrate on what we think is important. 

I IZ GAY

GAY IZ WUT I IZ

VAGINA IN MY MOUF.

<69

I hate when people ask me why I am wearing what I am wearing, for any reason.

I don’t ask you why you draw the way you do.

Why you write the way you do.

Why you speak the way you do. 

Why you breath the way you do.

It’s a way I express myself. And frankly, I enjoy what I wear, regardless of if you accept it or not. 

But I do ask this question, 

“Why do you care, anyways?”

When the bell rang at 3:18 and school was officially over, I walked to the front of the school with my phone in hand. I walked out of the door with everything I had taken to school this morning; my bag, folder, camera, jacket, and everything else I was wearing. I was considering leaving right then to go to my friend Chandler’s house, but I decided to hang out and talk to some people. I saw Sammy walking and she told me to go to the bathroom with her. I wanted to kill some time, so I did. We walked to the bathroom talking about things, then I yelled black guy in the hallway ( bad idea because everyone looked ), but that is Javan’s nickname.

We got to the bathroom, talked some more, and then walked to the front of the school again. I stayed a while but then decided it was time to leave because nothing much was going on. I put my ipod headphones in and waved everyone goodbye. Then, I started walking. 

As I walked passed kids and the ice cream truck, I considered going the back way, but then didn’t because there was always a chance the school’s fence was locked. So I just kept going on my way, the same direction and path I would take as if I were walking home from school.

I walked passed tubby’s reflective windows and of course, I looked at myself. Not because I’m vain ( which.. yeah..) but because that’s just what everyone does in his windows with him on the inside, watching and criticizing. I’ve done it with him before, too. 

I kept walking along, thinking about how nice of a day it was, but how I would be inside doing my work. I kept on walking and noticed two white guys walking in my direction. They had been walking for a while and I just kept going too. When I was next to them one of them stopped while the other kept going. He was a white guy, really red in the cheeks because it was a warm day, and for some reason he had his hoodie on. He peeled back his hood and said, “Excuse me?”

I took one of my earphones out and said, “Yes?” Then he proceeded to ask,

“Do you know where El Sobrante is?” And I replied, like a smart ass,

“We ARE IN El Sobrante.”

Then he said, “No, I meant the highschool.”

I turned the other direction to point up the hill, and as I turned, he snatched the ipod out of my hand and away from the headphones and ran. I was shocked for about 2 seconds, then I considered running after him, but decided not to because he had his friend with him and he could, no doubt, run faster and longer than my fat, asthmatic self if he was robbing people on foot.

I took the earphones and held them bunched up in my hand. I thought about calling Tubby because he was running in that direction, but then I remember that he no longer had a phone as of today. I didn’t know what else to do so I called someone just to tell them about it. But that didn’t do any good. 

When I finally got to Chandler’s house, people were there and I proceeded to tell them about my experience. Chandler’s mom heard, and like a second mother, was very concerned. She asked me repeatedly if I was hurt. She then called the cops and I gave them a description. 

Then Chandler and Amanda decided to search for the culprits in Amanda’s car, but I had to stay because the police were coming to take my statement.

More things happened, but I don’t feel like typing. I just got home a while ago and told my family about it. My mom didn’t care. My dad was just like, “Well maybe if you didn’t come home at random times in the day” And I was just like “NO, I WAS WALKING RIGHT AFTER SCHOOL.” And he didn’t have anything to say. 

I just went to my room and here I am.


 

So many things could have been done differently to have avoided this. 

If I had left school when school ended , I probably wouldn’t have ran into them.
If I had stayed at school a bit longer, I probably wouldn’t have ran into them.
If I had decided to check the back gate instead of walking the long way, I probably wouldn’t have ran into them.
If I had stopped at tubby’s house, I probably wouldn’t have run into them.
If my brother had been with me like he should be while I was walking, I probably wouldn’t have been robbed by them.

But isn’t that how it always is?

 

I was just trying to do someone a favor. The way he approached me didn’t seem threatening at all, and I  decided to be nice. When he took it I felt like screaming, but I don’t know what that would have done. I just didn’t know what to do. 

As I walked toward’s Chandler’s place after it happened, I just thought about how fucked up people were. How I was just trying to be a good person and tell someone directions, but I get robbed in broad daylight walking from school. Up to that point, my day was good. The first really good day I had at school in a while. And the weather was nice too.

It just hurts me how bad people are. I know I shouldn’t care, and I know worse happens to people, but it’s just like.. how could you just do that to someone? Steal something right out of their hands? I don’t know. I couldn’t do it. It’s not like he was dying and it was necessary.

I am guilty of stealing from stores in the past, and I quit that a long time ago, but he just took something of mine right out of my hands. RIGHT OUT OF THEM. I was.. shocked. I was angry. And I still am. I could never just take something of someone’s like that. Away from them. That could have meant something to me. You could argue that it’s all the same, stealing is stealing, but I don’t think it is. 

Like I said, I stopped that a long time ago.


I’m upset that my ipod was stolen but I’m just glad he didn’t try to take anything else. Everything important to me is in my bag. My wallet, my inhaler, my school work. And then my camera, which was around my shoulder. My phone was in my hand as well. I’m not sure if he only go the ipod, or that was his only goal, but I’d rather lose that way before I lost anything else. What if he tried to rob me for everything else. I would have cried my heart out. But when my ipod was taken, I was just sad and angry. I don’t think I shed any tears, but it could have happened.

At least something more valuable wasn’t taken from me. 
At least I wasn’t hurt.
At least I can replace it, someday.

But shit, it shouldn’t have happened in the first place. Why can’t I feel safe on a street between 3 elementary schools, a highschool, and a church on it? Why can’t I just walk home without being bothered. And I don’t mean just now, I’m tired of creeps stopping and offering me rides.

Does this shit happen everywhere? WHY AM I SO NICE.

UGH. 

I’m mad.


Okay, bye. 

I’ve never even seen snow. This’ll be interesting, if it does happen, that is! 

People always ask me what I think of it. 

Like I’ve said before, I’m all for doing whatever you want. Live your life the way you want, the way that makes you happy. So with that said, I don’t care if you smoke weed. But, I do think it is a problem when it interferes with what you should be doing. Your responsibilities to yourself and others. 

I just don’t think you should make it a problem. 

Besides that, smoke, relax, do whatever.

 I don’t do it.